My family is Italian and part of being an Italian is that you are usually a pretty darned good cook. Granted it’s not always the healthiest of meals, but by god they taste good. My mom can cook just about anything. They only exception is garlic bread. It usually comes out looking like a smoking hockey puck. But other than that, she’s a master in the kitchen. My mom loves to cook so she routinely has guests over that she can cook for. I get a call usually every two weeks with her raving about the gourmet meal that she made one of her friends and how delicious it was. These meals range from filet mignon to lobster spaghetti and everything in between. From the descriptions they sound amazing! So when my parents invited Jeff and me over for dinner, we were expecting a gourmet meal with all the trimmings just like she makes her friends… Instead what we got was a pot of gruel.
Now she was attempting to make BBQ pulled beef. What it ended up looking like was a mushy pot of steaming Alpo dog food. The meat had no consistency at all. It literally mushed in your mouth like split pea soup. In desperation she immediately started cooking a chicken and turned it into BBQ pulled chicken. Nice recovery, but it didn’t stop the taunts and teases from me, Jeff and my father.
“Boy I hear all the time about the Bacon wrapped scallops with pepper cream sauce that you serve to M and K, and we get served wet dog food. I see where I stand in the family.” I lovingly commented to my mom.
She just starts laughing and finally comments “Hey now!”
Jeff chimes in “Boy think you can scoop me out another dollop of Fancy Feast?” (Fancy Feast is gourmet wet cat food)
My mom shouts back, “NO!!!”
Finally my mom says that to make amends she’s invited us over for a “Gourmet” meal on Sunday along with my brother and his wife.
Jeff immediately comments back “So you’ll be cooking us beans and weanies!”
My mom just about peed her pants.
The BBQ chicken did turn out great. She even made homemade coleslaw. It really was an excellent recovery, but we were rolling on the floor laughing will all the dog food, grey meat comments. Thanks Mom!
Since we are trailer trash can I have an extra side of kibble and bits?
Mom: “Look, this IS gourmet by your standards. You probably wouldn’t appreciate the ACTUAL gourmet stuff I can cook.”
ROFLMAO!