Archive for June, 2011

Family Traditions

Every family has their own traditions.  Traditions about food.  Traditions about holidays and so on.  My family has a special tradition when it comes to shopping.  Whenever my mom and I go shopping and she’s actually going to try on some outfits, my objective is not to find an outfit of my own to try on but to search the clothing racks for the most hideous outfit I can find, and she MUST try it on.


In the past I’ve selected a horrific bright green plaid pant suit which looked as if she was wearing a freshly mowed lawn outfit.  I’ve found MuuMuu dresses made for excessively obese women.  Then there was the Burlap Bag dress made out of actual burlap material. Our most recent shopping excursion was the best, because I actually got photographic proof of the horrific outfit!


While at Burlington Coat Factory which is sometimes famous for its selection of hideous clothing, my mom selected some outfits to try.  As soon as she placed those outfits in her shopping cart, I began my search.  I’m sure she thought I was searching for clothing for me to try, but I had one single purpose at that moment.  I MUST FIND THE OUTFIT!  AT LAST I found a dress in her size that looked as if it had been made with scraps of leftover fabric.  Absolutely nothing matched on the dress.  So when my mom went into her dressing room I handed her the outfits she selected along with “The Dress”.


When she saw the outfit she gasped, “Oh God, you couldn’t find one that actually looks nice?”

“Of course not!” I retort


Part of the tradition is that I have to see her in the horrific outfit I choose regardless if the outfit is too large or too small.  So she finally tries on “The Dress” and as she opens the door I happen to snap a picture.  Sorry for the blur, but she was in the process of slamming the dressing room door shut!  She’s going to kill me for posting this, but I just couldn’t stop laughing and had to share.

The next time we go shopping she says she’s going to do the same thing to me.  All I can say is: Bring it On!


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The Sign Maker

I am sign maker…  I show my displeasure with something by making a statement in a posted sign.  Instead of pointing the finger at someone directly, I’ll make a sign and announce it to everyone.  Less confrontation, less “picking on someone”, more humor.  From one of my previous posts “Trashcan Treasure” you may remember the sign I made for someone who kept throwing “used” toilet paper in the trashcan instead of flushing it.  That sign read: PLEASE FLUSH YOUR USED TOILET TISSUE!  DO NOT THROW USED TOILET TISSUE IN THE TRANSCAN!   Thankfully this sign was heeded and future cases of visual evil were averted.  However further incursions was going to result in the removal of the trashcan.


Then there’s the sign I made for a copier that we spent a small fortune on yet it still can’t manage to make four copies without jamming twice.

The sign I made for people who kept stacking their dirty dishes in the sink without ever washing them themselves.

So today I walk into our office kitchen to grab a paper towel and low and behold there is a lonely empty roll.  Someone has callously taken the last paper towel without replacing it with a new roll.  It wouldn’t have bothered me if this was the first time I’ve experienced this problem.  But in reality, this has become a routine problem.  It just gets under my skin and irritates me.  How hard can it possibly be to replace a paper towel roll?  Perhaps the culprit doesn’t know where we store the paper towels.  In that case I made a sign, more like a map directing them where to get new paper towel rolls.

This kind of inconsiderate action really gets my panties in a twist… It’s almost as bad a leaving one little square of toilet paper on a roll instead of replacing it with a new roll.   That really chaps my hide.  I think if that ever happens to me more than twice I’m going to make a sign that reads “What would MacGyver do?” and stick it to the empty toilet paper roll while removing all the replacement rolls from the bathroom.


Lesson learned?  Probably not…

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