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Archive for January, 2017

Ahhh pets… For those of us who don’t have kids, our pets are our children.  Bogie my dog, is highly intelligent yet slightly neurotic.  We’ve trained him to ring a doorbell when he wants to go outside.  Unfortunately, sometimes his neurotic side kicks in and he rings the doorbell just because.  Sometimes he rings the doorbell because we wants to race across the lawn and bark at any birds that are trespassing and roosting on the fence.  Or maybe he’ll ring it to check that the lizard isn’t invading in the corner.

Well it has been raining pretty frequently here in California and my backyards’ drainage system just hasn’t been keeping up with the rain and as a result I basically have a small pond in my lawn.  So last night when Bogie rang the doorbell, I hesitated thinking that he’d just run through the pond and track in a bunch of mud on his way in or check the corner for his nemesis the lizard.  I ignored Bogie’s doorbell the first time and asked him “Do you really need to go out?” and continued to clean the kitchen.  Bogie rings the doorbell again and turns and looks at me.  As he’s looking at me, and as I’m headed toward the door, Bogie uncontrollably releases diarrhea on the carpet!

Apparently, yes he really did need to go out!

My automatic reaction is to shout NOOOOOOOOOOO, even as the evil continues to cascade from Bogie’s bowels.  Bogie is now scared of his loving mom shouting NOOOOOO and running towards him and the door.  He takes a step back, paw landing right into his fresh steamy pile.  Just as I’m about to reach him he takes off around the living room, leaving fresh poop marks with every step he takes.  OMG BOGIE!!! STOPPEN!  (German for stop or freeze)

Bogie timidly stops and his little doberman ears go into “Yoda” mode which means he knows he’s done something bad (even if it was an accident).  Poop is everywhere!  There’s a trail of it in various circles all over the living room.  FOREVER UNCLEAN!!

I walk Bogie out into the garage, fill my garden bucket with water, put on some super heavy duty kitchen gloves and start washing his paws.  As I walked back into the house and stand at the kitchen surveying the damage, the smell Lord the smell!

Resolve Carpet Cleaner? Check!
Gloves? Check!
Scrubby Brush? Check!
Despair and anger with a dash of humiliation? Double Check…

An hour later with a blister on my thumb from scrubbing, the carpet has no more poop marks.  Instead now it has these bright clean spots sporadically spaced around the living room.  I can just see my welcome greeting to any future guests, “Welcome to my home, pay no attention to the shit stains…”

So this morning after a really good night sleep, I open the door to my room and I’m greeted by the familiar stench of dog poop.  Yeah, today I’ll be calling a carpet cleaner to come and thoroughly clean the evil that inherently still resides in the carpet.

Poor Bogie and his loose bowels.  I guess this will teach me to get the doorbell on Bogie’s first ring…

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