Posts Tagged ‘Doberman’

Ahhh pets… For those of us who don’t have kids, our pets are our children.  Bogie my dog, is highly intelligent yet slightly neurotic.  We’ve trained him to ring a doorbell when he wants to go outside.  Unfortunately, sometimes his neurotic side kicks in and he rings the doorbell just because.  Sometimes he rings the doorbell because we wants to race across the lawn and bark at any birds that are trespassing and roosting on the fence.  Or maybe he’ll ring it to check that the lizard isn’t invading in the corner.

Well it has been raining pretty frequently here in California and my backyards’ drainage system just hasn’t been keeping up with the rain and as a result I basically have a small pond in my lawn.  So last night when Bogie rang the doorbell, I hesitated thinking that he’d just run through the pond and track in a bunch of mud on his way in or check the corner for his nemesis the lizard.  I ignored Bogie’s doorbell the first time and asked him “Do you really need to go out?” and continued to clean the kitchen.  Bogie rings the doorbell again and turns and looks at me.  As he’s looking at me, and as I’m headed toward the door, Bogie uncontrollably releases diarrhea on the carpet!

Apparently, yes he really did need to go out!

My automatic reaction is to shout NOOOOOOOOOOO, even as the evil continues to cascade from Bogie’s bowels.  Bogie is now scared of his loving mom shouting NOOOOOO and running towards him and the door.  He takes a step back, paw landing right into his fresh steamy pile.  Just as I’m about to reach him he takes off around the living room, leaving fresh poop marks with every step he takes.  OMG BOGIE!!! STOPPEN!  (German for stop or freeze)

Bogie timidly stops and his little doberman ears go into “Yoda” mode which means he knows he’s done something bad (even if it was an accident).  Poop is everywhere!  There’s a trail of it in various circles all over the living room.  FOREVER UNCLEAN!!

I walk Bogie out into the garage, fill my garden bucket with water, put on some super heavy duty kitchen gloves and start washing his paws.  As I walked back into the house and stand at the kitchen surveying the damage, the smell Lord the smell!

Resolve Carpet Cleaner? Check!
Gloves? Check!
Scrubby Brush? Check!
Despair and anger with a dash of humiliation? Double Check…

An hour later with a blister on my thumb from scrubbing, the carpet has no more poop marks.  Instead now it has these bright clean spots sporadically spaced around the living room.  I can just see my welcome greeting to any future guests, “Welcome to my home, pay no attention to the shit stains…”

So this morning after a really good night sleep, I open the door to my room and I’m greeted by the familiar stench of dog poop.  Yeah, today I’ll be calling a carpet cleaner to come and thoroughly clean the evil that inherently still resides in the carpet.

Poor Bogie and his loose bowels.  I guess this will teach me to get the doorbell on Bogie’s first ring…


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I’ve got a precocious three year old doberman named Bogie. He started doing this window licking when he wanted to be let back in the house and I wouldn’t let him back in. The cox cable repairman and I died laughing at his attempts to lick himself back inside the house.

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My Fur-Son

As most of you know, I don’t have children of my own but I do have a precocious fur-son; Bogie the Doberman.  Bogie is a character to say the least.  He borders on being OCD with his constant need to check the backyard for intruders (birds, lizards, insects etc); his continual need to use your leg as a napkin and his addiction to attacking water coming out of a hose.  Everyday he does something that makes us say “Really?”.

One of the comical habits he has developed is being the front yard sentry for the neighbor’s cat.  We’ve trained Bogie so that he is not to leave the sidewalk.  He can run from one side of the front yard to the other but he cannot step one foot on the street.  As such, the neighbor’s cat has learned that Bogie will not advance across the street to attack.  So now when the cat sees that Bogie is in the front yard, the cat will sit in the middle of the driveway and watch Bogie from across the street.  A stalemate has developed as neither will cross the street to engage the enemy.  This has resulted in Bogie pounding his feet in frustration, loud vocal whines and various mock charges which promptly stops at the edge of the sidewalk.  He will stand in his sentry position for an hour if we let him.  Occasionally the cat will start cleaning itself and Bogie will raise his hackles and the mock charges will begin again.  It’s as if the street is a treacherous moat.  Bogie will look at the cat and then look at the street then look back at the cat.  He’ll pace the sidewalk looking for a way across that doesn’t involved stepping on the actual street.  You can actually see him trying to figure out a way across.  He’s even gone so far as to step on the small patch of weeds growing out of the street a few inches from the sidewalk; because technically he’s not stepping on the actual street.  Even when there is no cat in the neighbors yard, Bogie will stand perfectly still and wait for the cat to come into view.  I’ve taken a picture of the Bogie statue waiting for the cat to emerge.  He does this so often that the neighbors have asked us what he’s looking at.  I just tell them that Bogie is attempting to “will” the cat to cross the street.

Bogie is scary smart; too smart for his own good sometimes.  Just recently he likes to play Jail Break at his Doggie Day Care.  Bogie has learned how to unlock the pens at his day care.  So last week, Bogie decided that not only would he let himself out, but he would let all the other dogs out as well.  He went from pen to pen, unlocking the gates until all the dogs were freed.  The day care had twenty dogs running loose in the facility all due to Bogie.  When I came to pick him up that day, I arrived to some not-so-happy day care people.  Now there are carabineer locks on all the pens in an attempt to thwart Bogie’s escape antics.  It’s just a matter of time before Bogie finds another weakness or loophole.

So until I have children of my own, I’m content with the endlessly entertaining aspects of my neurotic but highly intelligent dog.

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Another Bogie Mishap…

Well little Bogie is not quite so little anymore.  He weighs a whopping 60 lbs even though he’s only six months old.  And while he is quickly losing his puppy looks he still maintains some of his puppy characteristics.  One of these is the puppy diarrhea  that he gets on a routine basis.  We’ve mentioned it to our vet, but he says its pretty common for puppies to have diarrhea so he’s not too concerned.  Most of the time his little diarrhea plop piles are contained in the yard and while they make it more interesting and difficult to clean, it hasn’t manifested into a “Horror” situation.  That is, until yesterday…

So I take Bogie to the Escondido dog park everyday so he can burn off energy and frustration from being left at home all day.  Everyday we jump into the car and half way to dog park, Bogie starts getting overly excited and starts whimpering as he knows we are getting closer to his favorite destination.  As we get to the dog park, bogie is literally dancing with joy. I walk to the large dog pen with Bogie dancing beside me and we walk inside the main gate.  Usually I unclip Bogie’s leash inside the staging area then open the main gait and let him run off and play.  This time however I kept him clipped to the leash so that I could go over and get some doggie poop bags just in case.  I pulled out three poop bags and stuff them in my pocket.  All this time Bogie is getting overly anxious to be freed.   I started to unclip Bogie’s leash and as soon as Bogie was freed from the leash he launched from his standing position to join the other dogs playing.  Unfortunately the diarrhea that was being stored in his bowels exploded.  The diarrhea literally shot out his butt with such tremendous force that it landed in a plopping stream four feet back and just inches from my legs and other dog owners!

“Good Lord!”,  “Jesus Christ!”, “Look Out!”  Were shouted out by the other owners who narrowly escaped the toxic projectile stream.  I stood back speechless trying to comprehend what had just happened.   It took 8 doggie poop bags and a bucket of water to clean up the four foot long stream plop from the dog park grass.  As I threw the used doggie poop bags into trash one by one, I still cannot believe how close I was to peril!  If I was standing just one inch to the left, I would have been literally COVERED with dog diarrhea!  I shutter at just the thought of it!

Next time I am releasing Bogie in the staging area paying particular attention of staying clear of the deadly diarrhea cannon.

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Bogie’s Issues…

As most of you know, I have a new little fur son.  His name is Bogie and he’s a black and rust Doberman who is now a precocious 5 months old little ball of endless energy.  He is finally fully vaccinated so not only is he going to puppy preschool, but I’ve also been taking him to the Escondido Mayflower dog park.  It is here where my little fur son, tests my patience by what I call “Doggie Rape”.  Let me try to explain.

Two other dogs will be playing together and rough housing by themselves.  Bogie will go over to one of the dogs, grab the dog around the hips and force the dog away from his playmate.  Bogie will then push the dog to the ground where he tries to hump them.  Granted Bogie mostly humps the other dog’s head, but still.  Usually the other dog finally gets up off the ground after a minute or so of head humping and runs away which leaves bogie humping the air.  Bogie will then attempt to recapture his hump target by “Run Humping”.   He takes these giant leaps, trying to grasp the other dog by the hips, while still trying to hump and run at the same time.  This is not only embarrassing but also tiring as I find myself, trying to pull him off other dogs constantly.  One of these days he’s going to grab the wrong dog, who is going to turn around and bite him. 

I explain to the other dog parents that Bogie is still a puppy and hasn’t learn dog manners yet.  Thankfully they offer their assistance by helping me stop his Doggie Rape attempts when he starts his antics near them.   We were going to try to wait a year before Bogie was neutered but at this rate he’ll be lucky if he keeps his family jewels next month!

"I Need Me Some Doggie Puntang!"

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