Archive for May, 2011

Dreaming Reality

I have VERY active dreams.  I’ve been told that I probably have a sleep disorder that gives me these very vivid, active dreams.  They’re not necessarily nightmares, but while I’m sleeping I perceive my dreams as real and I react to events in my dream while I’m sleeping.  If I kick in my dream, I kick in my bed.  I even have the ability to manipulate my dreams to a certain extent… If I’m enjoying my dream, I can rewind and replay it.  If I want to dream about something in particular I will think about it before I go to bed and there’s a high probability that I’ll actually dream about it in some part that night.  And the best part is I usually dream every night and I usually always remember my dreams.


Several months ago when Jeff asks me, “What are you going to dream about tonight?” I reply…  Hmmmm I going to dream that I’m a dragon…  Well my prediction was not exactly spot-on but was in close proximity.  I dreamt that I was a velociraptor.  Throughout my entire dream I was living the life of a dinosaur in first person.  In my dream I was hunting in the jungle and I ended up trying to kill and eat this other dinosaur.  But my prey was putting up a fight and I had to kick and jump and claw hard to kill it.  Well while I was dreaming of being a velociraptor, I’m kicking, punching, and clawing Jeff who is attempting to sleep beside me.  He tries to wake me up but I encorporate his jarring movements with my prey which makes me fight harder.  When I get up the next morning, my muscles are so sore from my sleep activity that I can barely get out of bed.  I’m exhausted and Jeff is black and blue.


Flying dreams are my favorite.  I remember this one dream where I was running in the woods. I ran along this trail that had a log crossing the trailhead.  I attempted to jump over the log, but instead of landing on the ground opposite the log, I just kept going up in the air.  The surrounding got smaller and smaller and I just kept climbing.  Eventually I leveled off and soared through the air with my arms spread.  I learned that to climb higher I had to flap my arms which I was doing in my sleep.  The next morning, my arms were so tired and sore.  But the dream was great!


Last night’s dream was a particularly interesting.  Thankfully Jeff was at work; otherwise he’d have received a good beating.  I dreamt that I was a crime fighter.  Not necessarily a police officer but just short of being a super hero.  I was leaping from building to building across the city looking for trouble makers.  I spotted some hoodlums tying to steal some shoes off a wimpy kid.  I then leapt off the building and landed on the ground five stories down surprising the criminals.  It was then that the criminal beat-down took place.  I was punching and roundhouse kicking, jumping and crane kicking their asses!  Once the hoodlums were beat to a bloody pulp and I continued on my rounds looking for more opportunities to administer my corporal punishment.  By the time I woke up I was utterly exhausted.  My muscles are sore and I feel like I haven’t even slept in two days.


My dreams are a blessing and a curse.  I like experiencing the dreams themselves; I just don’t like how my body thinks my actions in my dreams are real.  I guess I don’t need to go to the gym today as I’ve gotten weeks worth of exercise just from sleeping. Kind of dreading what I’ll dream about tonight… I’m hoping its a dream about sleep itself.


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Last night Jeff and I attended a graduation event for one of his explorers that was graduating paramedic school.  Now I am not a fan of graduations.  I didn’t even attend my own graduation when I completed college.  I just can’t stand all the sitting and the useless chatter spoken to by half-caring professors.  So when Jeff said we were attending, I happily agreed but inside I was cringing.

Now you must understand that I’m a Sicilian and I’ve got the temper to match especially when I’ve been deprived of food for several hours.  My family calls it the “Grumps”.  I knew that this graduation was going to deprive me of my precious food so I snacked on some chips and salsa before we left for the event hoping that this small nourishment would fend off the Grumps at least for a little while.  Jeff insisted that the graduation wouldn’t take more than an hour.  I can manage an hour…

So we arrive and find our seats.  Jeff knows quite a few people at this event so while he’s busy talking and mingling; I’m left to people watch.  I can already tell that the small amount of chips and salsa has already been depleted and I’m just about running on food fumes.  I frantically search my purse for any food, candy, gum, crumbs anything! Nothing!   My hunger meanness makes its first appearance.  As Jeff sits down next to me, I nudge him to check out the girl in front of us.  Her hair is pulled up and teased in such a way that it looks like a rat built a nest up in it.  I ask Jeff if he sees the rat in her hair or if it was just my imagination.  I’m sure she’s thinking that she’s looking HOT in her rat nest teased hair, but I can barely contain myself.  I tell Jeff that if I EVER do my hair like that to instantly falcon punch me!

The Grumps have fully arrived and it’s completely evident by my meanness and my complete lack of patience.  As more and more people start finding their seats I realize just how many babies and toddlers are at this event.  One of my most unfavorite sounds on this earth is crying/screaming/whining children. I make a comment to Jeff… “I Didn’t know the preschool class was in full attendance!”  Jeff just rolls his eyes and tells me to calm down.  But sure enough as soon as the speaker hits the stage to commence the ceremony, the babies and toddlers start crying.  I take a long exasperated sigh, which Jeff acknowledges by squeezing my leg in irritation.  The entire ceremony is interrupted by the constant entering and exiting of mothers and fathers with their unruly crying children.

An hour goes by and I’m beyond starving.  My stomach announces its demand for food by growling and groaning loudly.  Again I search my purse for food, and once again coming up empty handed.  To make matters worse, the certificate presenter is telling a story about every single graduate!  I fumble with the event program to see how many graduates there are… 20… Again I give a long and loud exasperated sigh.  In my nonsensical food deprived world that I’m currently living in, I envision the possibility that I may never escape this room. That I may never eat food again as this presenter’s speech just doesn’t seem to have an end.  The light I saw at the end of the tunnel as we entered the halfway mark of the program suddenly grows dim.  He just keeps talking and talking and I’m not eating!

Finally after an hour and a half the bag pipers file out and the graduation ceremony is over!  All I can think about is escaping as quickly as possible to my car where I have emergency rations stashed.  Unfortunately Jeff wants to say his goodbyes to everyone he knows at the event.  I really am trying to be a pleasant person, but when someone is preventing me from food, I can be just a wee bit of a bitch.  Jeff says his last goodbye and I stagger out the door as if I just escaped a long desert trek without food or water.  I’m so hungry that I’m considering the positive aspects of scavenging roadkill.  I’m so hungry I could eat the ass out of a dead rhinoceros.  I’m so hungry I could eat a bowl of lard with hair in it.  I’m so hungry I could eat the north end of a southbound skunk.  As long as it’s even remotely eatable I’m in!

As we get to the car I break out my emergency rations and shove the food into my mouth like I’ve been deprived of food for a week.  Jeff comments… “Jesus Christ it’s only been two hours since you last ate!”

I’m confident there’s some evolutionary advantage to my aggressive tendencies when I’m hungry.  Perhaps an irritated and hungry woman was a more efficient hunter/gatherer.  Perhaps my constant snacking throughout the day has trained my body to demand more frequent intakes of food.  Whatever the case may be, NEVER stand between a hungry Farrah and her food.

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This past weekend was our last trip to desert for the season and while I would have preferred to end the season on a high note, mother nature had other plans.  The 50+ MPH winds definitely put a damper on our daily riding.  Most of the weekend was spent hiding inside the trailer playing Yahtzee and hoping the wind would die down enough to go for a ride.

During one of our sheltering sessions, Brandon my nephew came into our trailer and played Yahtzee.  Well I brought my can of Giant Leaf Cutter Ants with me just for occasions when someone feels brave.  I made a bet with Jeff that Brandon wouldn’t eat one of the ants.  The bet was a 30 minute back massage.  Well by the end of the weekend, Brandon still had not eaten an ant.  Granted it did go in his mouth… But he just couldn’t chew the thing…

Watch the video…

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