Crazy Dream Log:
I decided that it would be a good idea to stop and pick up this female hitchhiker who happens to be someone I went to high school with. So we drive home and I tell her she can stay until the morning. So I go into the spare room and make the room up when I see that there’s water all by the closet. At first I thought Bogie had an accident then I see just how large this body of water is and think Bogie couldn’t have possibly peed this much. Still doubting that it isn’t Bogie piss I bend down and sniff. OK yeah it’s just a slab leak.
So I go out in the backyard to get some windshield wiper fluid for the leak when I see a hand reach over my fence trying to undo the latch. I know its nobody I know cause everyone knows that I have a top and bottom latch. EVERYONE knows this.
So I run back into the house just as this guy is starting to climb over the fence. I’m screaming “GET THE GUNS!” not call 911 or Help or anything, no its “GET THE GUNS!” So I run into the house almost purposely leaving the sliding glass door open and rush to the master bedroom. Once there I arm up. I’m talking RAMBO ARMED.
I’ve got Mother Goose my AR, I’ve got my appendix carry Lil’ Pip, I’ve got the Mr Bond the P226 holstered on my hip. I even have my katana sword strapped to my back. I shout out that I’m armed and that he should leave the house. He shouts back, “So Am I!”
I shout back, “Not as much as I am!”
So I slowly open the door to the bedroom and I’m crawling down the hallway. I now crouched low and I see that its Dolph Lundgren who’s in my house and I can see that he has a revolver.
“HA! You call that armed?!”
He takes one step towards me and I unload Mother Goose. But it doesn’t stop him, so out comes Mr Bond. I’m hitting him everywhere, torso, head, legs; still he’s coming. Well if my AR and a 9mil didn’t stop him Lil’ Pip ain’t.
So I retreat back to the bedroom and lock the door. Out comes the Katana sword. Dolph kicks at the door and his leg bursts through, then his hands; then he’s fully in the bedroom. That’s when I go full Kill Bill on his ass. It’s like a tornado of sword swings which results in this bloody mist that’s surrounding the room.
Finally just like in Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail, Dolph is without legs, arms and is seated on the floor. He’s still alive and trying to bite, but he’s not a threat.
Finally I say “OK Google, Call 911” and she responds back “Sorry I can’t do that yet”
I shout “FUCK YOU GOOGLE!” and I sheath my sword.
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