2013 Ugly Christmas Sweater Day

This week is our last week of work before my company shuts down for two whole weeks. TWO WHOLE GLORIOUS WEEKS!  It will be a much needed mental break.  But before my company’s doors shut down for the holiday we host our annual Ugly Christmas Sweater Contest.  So I rummaged through several bags of old clothes last week to find a sure winner.  Ultimately I picked out two sweaters.  One had an ugly block house surrounded by snow and two ugly children on ladders leaning on the house.  Not really christmasy, but it had possibilities.  Then I found what I thought could be a sure winner.  A lovely green sweater with a snowman surround by cats.  I mean really… A Christmas sweater isn’t complete without cats!

So I took the cat sweater and headed to Michael’s to embellish what I already thought was a holiday masterpiece.  Once I got home I fired up the hot glue gun and starting adding the little trinket treasures to the sweater.  Some ribbon here, a little tinsel there.  A miniature present would look nice there.  I even cut small holes in the printed snowflakes so that I could insert a string of miniature lights.  When it was all said done I stepped back and admired my work.  It looked like Christmas threw-up on my sweater.  A sure winner!

 

That was until our sales supervisor arrived at work…  My jaw hit the floor.  I whispered to myself, “It’s so beautiful”.  C’s sweater is a masterpiece.  Complete with white doves on the shoulders.  There’s even strategically placed holly leaves.  It’s literally a Christmas miracle of a sweater.  My lighted cat imbued sweater just doesn’t even compare to C’s giant stocking clad, turtle dove resting, tinsel laden woven treasure.   We are going to be voting on the best sweater in a couple of hours and while I am no longer confident in my Christmas Cat sweater taking the win, it still makes for one hell of a good laugh when you first see the sweaters walking in the door.

I hope everyone has a wonder Christmas and a happy and safe New Year!

Happy Holidays

Farrah

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Exotic Eats Challenge – December 2013

Today was another installment of the Exotic Eats Challenge that FoFo and I have going on.  The challenge that I brought to the table was suggested by an employee of KTM.  It’s an alcoholic beverage that is commonly consumed in Mexico called Pulque.  Pulque is the fermented juice of the agave cactus.  FoFo on the other hand brought a rather smelly sea dwelling morsel – smoked oysters in oil.

We started with the Pulque.  The brand of pulque that I purchased has a 6% alcohol by volume.  Pulque is not carbonated and is recommended that you shake vigorously before consuming.  So I popped the top and unwisely smelled the juice before taking a sip.  It smells a rather foul sickly sweet.  The taste however is easy to describe – Rotting fruit.  It literally tastes like rotting fruit.  To my taste buds this drink was horrible.  As soon as I swallowed, the fumes went up through my nasal cavity and raped my olfactory cells.  I couldn’t help but scrunch my nose at the assault.   FoFo on the other hand didn’t think it was too bad.  Mind you he stopped quite short of saying it was good.  But his facial expression wasn’t contorted like mine was.

Next was FoFo’s dish of smoked oysters.  FoFo opened the can and the oysters in the oil look like the remains of male childrens’ foreskins after a circumcision.  The sight is not pleasant and neither is the smell.  To describe, it is a hearty heavy smokey fishy smell.  FoFo and I toasted to the oysters who gave their life to our feast and each popped one in our mouths.  The taste is really not bad at all.  It’s very smokey with that typical smoked fish taste, really isn’t that bad.  The texture however is gross!  It’s a slimy but chewy but chalky texture.  Yuck!  Based on texture alone I would NEVER eat this again unless it was on a cracker (gluten free).  The cracker would at least disguise some of the sliminess of the oysters.

So both FoFo and I cheered for another successful Exotic Eats Challenge.  What’s up next?  I’m bringing the Century Duck Egg!  I can’t wait to see FoFo’s expression when he peals that puppy open.  Black flesh hiding a black yolk.  Mmmmmmmm!  Until then, challenge your taste buds and try something new!

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2013 Inappropriate Ornament

If you’ve been following my blog for a while you know about my family’s quirky holiday tradition called the “Inappropriate Ornament”.  For those you that don’t know about it, my brother and I have to help decorate my parents’ house for their annual holiday party and to protest being used a Slave Labor, we add a special ornament to the garland that crisscrosses the living room.  Here are some of the past Inappropriate Ornaments just to name the most recent:

 

Scotch Tape

hole Punch

Condom

Empty Toilet Paper Roll

Anal beads

Panty Liner (w Red Ink Stain)

 

 What’s funny is that the Anal Bead ornament is clear with glitter and my mom now puts them up every year because they look “festive”.  So without any further ado… I shall reveal the 2013 Inappropriate Ornament.

 

 

 

So we took my mom’s Evil Elf on the Shelf doll and wrapped his loving arms around a big box of Preparation H.  Come on now… Doesn’t the mere sight of the yellow box draw your imagination into deep forbidden thoughts of a swollen, pulsating, purple roid?  They’re just the kind of thoughts needed for completing a festive holiday celebration as you take a bite of that sweet and sour holiday meatball.

 

Happy Holidays Everyone!

Wishing everyone a safe and happy New Year!

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